Whether on a trip to Vegas, family reunion, or navigating the mountain’s edge, our strengths are there every step of the way. The question is, are they guiding, protecting, and supporting you? Or are they getting in the way, causing conflict and confusion?
If you're dealing with a frustrating situation at home, or just want to bring a little more joy into your relationships, this episode is packed with insights and tips to help you embrace your strengths in every aspect of life! 🌟
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Life Beyond Work: It's easy to get caught up in our professional identities, but we are whole beings with lives outside of our jobs. Our strengths don't just apply to our work; they can enrich our family interactions, friendships, and personal experiences. Recognizing that we can apply our strengths in all areas of life opens up new opportunities for connection and understanding.
Appreciation Over Frustration: Moments of frustration can be transformed into appreciation by understanding each other's strengths. Instead of reacting negatively, taking a moment to pause and appreciate the unique talents of those around us can lead to healthier communication and stronger relationships. This shift in perspective can be a game-changer in how we interact with our loved ones.
Communication is Key: The assessment is just the beginning. It’s crucial to have open conversations about our strengths and how they show up in our daily lives. By discussing our strengths with family and friends, we can avoid misunderstandings and create a more supportive environment. This dialogue allows us to celebrate our differences and work together more effectively, whether planning a trip or navigating daily challenges.
Celebrate Strengths Together: Engaging in activities that highlight and celebrate each other's strengths—like family reunions with strength-themed t-shirts—can foster a sense of unity and appreciation within families.
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Apply Strengths in Everyday Life: Reflect on how you can use your strengths outside of work, particularly in family and personal relationships. Consider moments of frustration and think about how your strengths can help you navigate those situations.
Communicate Openly About Strengths: Have conversations with family and friends about your respective strengths. Discuss how these strengths manifest in daily life and how they can complement each other, enhancing collaboration and reducing conflict.
Practice Appreciation: When conflicts arise, take a moment to pause and appreciate the other person's strengths instead of reacting negatively. This shift in perspective can lead to more constructive conversations and a better understanding of each other.
Engage in Strengths Coaching: Consider seeking coaching for yourself or your family to better understand and leverage strengths in your relationships. This can be done individually or as a group to foster a deeper appreciation of each other's talents.
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Lisa:
Hey, I'm Lisa.
Brea:
I'm Brea.
Lisa:
And today's topic is Strengths in the Wild.
Brea:
I feel like we need some kind of like epic like MGM Grand, you know, something, something.
Lisa:
A lot of deep reverb on that. Yeah. Drugs in the wild. Yeah. Let's talk about beyond work. You know, we always talk about the workplace. We have a lot of clients that we work with in the workplace, but you know what is interesting about people who work and people who don't?
Brea:
What's that?
Lisa:
They both have lives outside of work.
Brea:
Stop it. What? People don't just work every hour of every day. I mean, what are you talking about?
Lisa:
There is life outside of work and there's an opportunity to apply strengths outside of work and especially, let's think family time. I hear people talk about my significant others getting on my nerves. Oh, I'm in a fight with my mother-in-law. Oh, my kid has been just insufferable this week. Yes. Those are also things you could apply your strengths to.
Brea:
Come on! Oh, I love this. So what you're saying is there's not just a work me and a home me. There's an all of me, all the time, like who I am as all the things, all the time. Yeah, okay.
Lisa:
Pretty much. And I know we've both said it before, maybe every single time we've ever delivered a workshop in the workplace, when we've been like, hey, this report, it's not just about work. are one whole being, and this applies to home, this applies in all the places, but we get really focused on workplace often. So we're dedicating this episode to beyond the workplace.
Brea:
And this is one of the reasons why strengths is the best assessment out there. In my opinion, I love it so much because so many of the other assessments are focused on just the workplace. And even though Strengths was designed just for the workplace, I still think, I mean, it does such a good job of really getting to the core of not who we are as human beings. It's not our identity, but but how we show up, how we work, how we live, how we think, how we feel, how we act. You know, it's all those those patterns that are just so central to how we move throughout the world, you know. So let's dive in.
Lisa:
Well, I have the perfect example about using strengths at home. And I don't know if this is a great thing for me to do or not. I'm tattletaling on my parents.
Brea:
Well, it's all from a place of love, you know?
Lisa:
It is. Okay, so they took their CliftonStrengths assessments recently and came to visit. And as they arrived at my house, they were squabbling with each other. And what happened was they came up, my driveway is on a mountain and the parking can be a little bit, a little bit precarious. And they had just taken a two day road trip and had done all kinds of driving. And my dad was trying to navigate this truck, pulling up. There are all these different trailers in a tight space, so he didn't want to hit the nose of one of the trailers. So apparently he had asked my mom, can you get out and tell me how close I am?
Brea:
Yeah, sure.
Lisa:
And maybe road-weary, she made a snide response. Oh no. Like, how long have you been driving? 70-something years? And he said, you are the worst wife.
Brea:
Oh my gosh! Dad! Come on!
Lisa:
He said, I've been driving for two days and I haven't asked for any help. And he asked one little thing and she made fun of him for not being able to drive.
Brea:
Oh my gosh.
Lisa:
So this created a whole fight. So we talked about it through the lens of strengths. And when you're having those moments, and this would go for either of them, if they looked at this as appreciation instead of being annoyed with each other what would it have looked like let's just give a for example and now this is my words not not theirs but if she had said what is it about him that really wants to get the extra eye on this well one he wants to make sure he's not falling off the mountain because you truly could fall down a switchback. I mean reasonable. He leads through deliberative. Risk manager.
Brea:
I was just going to say, where's the deliberative? Number one. It is number one. What's the absolute worst thing that could happen right now? We could literally fall off the side of the mountain and die. Okay, great. Don't want to do that.
Lisa:
Okay. How about also number two, responsibility.
Brea:
I was just going to ask, where's his responsibility, right? I got to do it right.
Lisa:
I'm going to do it right. I don't want to dent my truck. I don't want to move their trailer. I don't want all of these things that you would do if you were being responsible about showing up to this tight space. Also, am I parked appropriately and not too crooked because someone else is about to come up the driveway and I don't want to block them in. There needs to be turnaround space. Yes. You know how it is. If you're frustrated with somebody, do you take a 60 second pause before you answer so that you can be in fascination and appreciation? No, often we don't. We make a little comment and it offends someone. And if there was a little bit of pause there, she could have appreciated. Why? he was asking for this extra help. And then instead of him saying, you're the worst one.
Brea:
Which is obviously not true because they have been married for so long.
Lisa:
Over 50 years. So yes, then he could have been looking, you know, from her perspective, what she might have cared about in that moment. And we had a great conversation over the next few days about appreciating each other's talents. And there were some, like one we all had in common, the three of us, is strategic. So we talked a lot about what that looks like. And it looked very different on each of us, because you can imagine if my strategic is mixed with focus and activator, but my dad's is mixed with deliberative, making a quick decision may not look the same. He doesn't make quick decisions. He can see all the options really quickly, but he wants time to think on them. So we talked about how sometimes we have these similarities, but then in the daily life, it shows up. really differently on a person. And then sometimes you have opposites, like his deliberative is number one, it's at my bottom, it's at my mom's bottom. So being able to see some of those areas where they could cause total conflict, but they could also be amazing, because if you don't want to spend your headspace in that area, then how cool that your home teammate is, and now you don't have to.
Brea:
Totally. I've learned it the hard way, but it's so important to have that perspective, especially when big life decisions are happening. If that's a blind spot that you know that you have and it matters, partner up with someone.
Lisa:
Yeah. I mean, we're talking about everyday strengths at home. This is totally something my husband does as well. He walked around the house and saw that the toilet hoses were made of plastic instead of the braided stainless or whatever the good ones are made out of. Oh no. And came out and said- Of course he just noticed that.
Brea:
Yes. He's just walking around and he just sees it because of his talent.
Lisa:
Yes. And when he brings it up I'm like, is there a leak? What brought this to your attention? And he's like, no, because these are the things you have to catch so that you don't have an insurance claim. So you don't. That's right. That doesn't happen. Yes. And I'm thinking, never, literally never would I be examining behind a toilet unless there was water under my feet. And this is beautiful. I get the benefit of now having all the hoses replaced and no insurance claims.
Brea:
And really you get the benefit of there never being water under your feet, right? Like that won't happen because he's done the work. Yeah.
Lisa:
Yeah. I think it's a really good use of strengths at home because these are the exact things that could cause conflict in relationships, but also they're the exact things that make you so valuable to each other and they're so easy to appreciate if you're not in the moment of a conflict, but you're just in a moment of thinking about what you appreciate or where you need someone to complete you. Right, right.
Brea:
Well, don't get me started on that, but that can be another podcast, the whole you complete me thing. But here's what I think is super interesting is the idea of frustration and the connection to talents. I think two things come to mind. Number one, when we feel frustrated, it might be coming from someone else's talents. We can feel frustrated by the way that other people act, right? We can also feel frustrated when our talents are not being seen, heard, met, fed. When our talents are not able to do what they're meant to do, that can feel very frustrating to us. And sometimes it's what we have and sometimes it's what we don't have. Like someone else is deliberative, you know, being number one when it's my 34. That can feel really frustrating to me because I'm like, I don't think like that. So the frustration that we feel can clue us into the talents of others and to our own talents.
Lisa:
Well, another example just popped in my head. Shout out to my bestie, Christine. We went to Vegas this summer to go see the Beatles love show before it closed out. And so fun. Yeah, it was so fun. And we really got to explore our strengths just in an everyday life strengths in the wild. We both lead through individualization in our top five. And so an interesting thing there is we're both very tuned into what the other person would want. And it almost kept us from getting some cool progress. So she leads through a ranger and that one is not high for me. We both like to be organized. I'm definitely a planner, but she's like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. If you talk about a thing, it can be just done. And she was hesitating to do things like suggest hotel and where the seats would be and all of these things you could optimize to get all the tickets purchased and all the things done. And finally, we started talking about it through strengths. And she's like, Yeah, if you're down, I can just get it all done. And I was like, Yes. And when anything automatically happens, and I don't have to do the work, I think it's the most exciting thing ever, even if it would have been my third pick for a hotel, even if it would have been my fourth best seat, which was not the case. But I was just so stoked that it was getting done and getting done so quickly. And all I had to do was log it in the calendar. I thought that was the coolest thing ever. But we actually had to have the conversation. because she was excited to get it done. And I was excited to have her get it done. But I didn't want to abuse the relationship and put it on her because for me, that feels like a ton of work to do all of that coordinating of those things, the flight, the hotel, and like all of that. So we had this cool strengths conversation where it felt good to her to knock it out, get it done. And then it felt good to me that it was done. It felt so smooth. And she got energized by doing that. And I got energized by her doing that.
Brea:
Gosh, it's such a good example because how many times, spoiler, every day, all the time, how many times do we project our own biases onto other people? We think, oh, because this is hard for me, it's gonna be hard for her, so I don't wanna subject her to that. And gosh, it's just such a gift when we have this language of strengths because it gives us the permission to just show up in our strength and to say go for it, like you do your thing and I'll do my thing and together we're all stronger, you know? I love that.
Lisa:
And also I think it brings out this good example of how you do often have to talk about it out loud with a person in your family or your friend. You have to, yes. Yeah, because she assumed, actually, because individualization, she thought I would want more say. She thought I would want to have a little bit more control or input over what the trip looked like, and I didn't. I didn't need that at all. It was magical that I didn't have to worry about that. So just think about that. She could have been using her individualization strength to honor that I had input and I would have liked that less. And that is exactly what would have happened if we hadn't talked about it.
Brea:
And this is such a good point that the assessment is just the beginning. How many times have we said that? We can't put people in boxes. I can't look in my magic crystal ball and say, well, because you have this profile, I know exactly how you're going to respond or what you're going to want. It's the beginning of the conversation, right? We have to have communication with each other and communication with ourselves as well, you know, to say, what is this assessment suggesting that I look into? Can I dig a little bit deeper? Um, it's not, oh, it's just, it's not prescriptive like other assessments that are out there. It doesn't put you in a box. It really opens so much more room for you to grow, to grow in relationship with others and appreciation for others and appreciation and relationship with yourself too.
Lisa:
Yeah. So much of what happens with strengths comes on the inside motivations, not like this prescription that says you will totally behave this way and this is what this one looks like. You could name an action and we could probably give you three to ten different CliftonStrengths that might describe why someone would be motivated toward that kind of action because of a strength. That's why the conversation is so important.
Brea:
Yes, don't put labels on people. Strengths are not labels, right? This is an opportunity to show up and have those conversations and I just think that's so important when we are having challenging conversations. There's a difference when we say a talent theme name versus the person's name, right? It really changes the conversation to be able to to separate someone's action or something that we're observing that we want to talk about, to separate that from the person themselves is, it's just, it's such a gift.
Lisa:
It's such a gift. You're making me think of one more of my best buds, Anne. She gives this example of a code word they've come up with, and it's Penelope. And they'll be like, Penelope! So how much nicer would it be if she's in the middle of something and he says, Penelope, instead of, you're being really bossy right now. You know, that comes across totally differently and keeps you from being defensive. And I think those kind of code words and or open conversations come out from these strengths discussions with family, friends, relatives, in ways that you never would have if you only kept your strengths to the workplace.
Brea:
Yes, having 34 words help us move from frustration to fascination really quickly. If you understand what each of the 34 talent themes are, or at least the top five or the top 10 of the person that you're in communication with, if you can understand what they are and how they can be good, how they can be helpful, productive, fascinating, right? All those things. even if in the moment, you know, they're not fulfilling their fullest potential, maybe they're in their shadow side of their strength, we can still understand coming from a good place. And without that language, we don't have that understanding and it's very difficult to have that appreciation. So use the words, get to know all 34 talent themes so you can spot them in the wild. You can appreciate them in the wild, in your family, in your home, in strangers, at the natural grocers, everywhere you are. Spot strengths and celebrate strengths at work, at home, and everywhere else.
Lisa:
Yes, mic drop. Okay, Brea, if someone needs your help because they cannot see the positive intent in somebody at home right now and they do want to use strengths at home and they want to coach with you, tell them how to work with you.
Brea:
To be honest, I love working with teams and Couples and families are some of my favorite teams to work with because this is your reality every day. It's the most important team that you will ever, ever be a part of. So if you have an interest in doing some coaching with your spouse, with your kids, one of my favorite things ever is to come to your family reunion and do this with like your whole family. I know one client did that once and it was so great. So yeah, if you literally want to bring this home, I'd love to do that. Come to my website, schedule a call. We'll make it happen. Yeah, what about you, Lisa?
Lisa:
Oh my gosh, who would ever know when I said, bring it home, Brea, you'd be like, yep, bringing it home all the way, literally.
Brea:
Literally, I will come to your home if you want. Yeah.
Lisa:
So for me, Lisa at Lead Through Strengths, You can go to the Get Coached link. We can do multiple people together on a call if you want, or if you want the confidential individual not shared with the other person version. Sometimes we need to start there as well. That is absolutely fine. We can honor the confidentiality fully while you get through the exploration and finding the fascinating, appreciative kind of part of things with someone.
Brea:
Love it. All right. We're awesome. Work with us.
Lisa:
Bring it home, Brea. Bring it home. Let's do our strengths. Strengths at home. Let's go. Let's go.
Brea:
I'm still thinking about that, that family reunion. It was so awesome. They all got t-shirts and everybody put their number one strength on the back of their t-shirt. We did a big team grid that I blew up like super big.
Lisa:
No, you didn't. Oh my gosh. I'm imagining family picnic vibes with games and things that we would do as team building events when they're out there with kids and balloons and Lego activities. Oh my gosh.
Brea:
So fun. It's so fun.
““Your family is the most important team you will ever lead. Lead with strength! Lead with love.””
MEET YOUR CO-HOSTS
BREA ROPER
Communication | Woo | Activator | Futuristic | Connectedness
If you need a Strengths Hype Girl, for yourself or your team, connect with Brea at brearoper.com. She’s ready to deliver an inspirational keynote, empowering training, or transformational workshop. If you’re looking for an expert guide to support your internal Strengths efforts, reach out today!
LISA CUMMINGS
Strategic | Maximizer | Positivity | Individualization | Woo
To work with Lisa, check out team workshops and retreats at the Lead Through Strengths site. For 1:1 strengths or life coaching, check out the Get Coached link. For independent coaches, trainers, and speakers, get business tools support with our Tools for Coaches membership.
The Fine Print: This podcast is not sanctioned or endorsed by Gallup in any way. Opinions, views and interpretations of CliftonStrengths© are solely the beliefs of Lisa Cummings and Brea Roper.