From time to time, everyone struggles to believe in themselves. Especially when faced with challenges and changes in their lives. Too often, this doubt can lead to feelings of inadequacy, and hold us back from the growth we desire.
That’s why we look to our talents: to identify and question limiting beliefs, so we can shift our mindset to take actionable steps toward our goals, no matter how unattainable they may seem.
As always, this episode is packed with insights and practical tips to help you believe in yourself and take those next steps on your journey of development and growth. 🌟
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Beliefs are not fixed. We often label ourselves based on our past behaviors, like saying "I am a late person." But is that really true? It's essential to examine whether these beliefs are true or just perceptions based on specific circumstances. Always remember, you can change your mind.
Bridge Thoughts: Change doesn’t happen overnight, and sometimes the leap to an aspirational identity feels daunting. Instead, consider "bridge thoughts" – small, manageable beliefs that can help you focus on the present moment and reinforce your commitment without overwhelming yourself.
For example, if you're trying to live alcohol-free, instead of saying "I am alcohol-free," you might say, "I choose water today." This approach allows you to gradually shift your mindset and move toward being alcohol-free, one step at a time.Focus on the Positive: When making changes, it's helpful to concentrate on the positive motivations behind your choices. Reminding yourself why you want to change can anchor you during challenging moments.
Self-Compassion is Key: Change is a journey, and it's normal to face obstacles along the way. Be kind to yourself during this process, and remember it's okay to lean on others for support as you work toward believing in yourself.
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● Identify Your Beliefs: Reflect on the beliefs you hold about yourself, especially those that may be limiting. Are these beliefs true, or are they based on specific circumstances?
● Create Bridge Thoughts: Find an actionable step that feels more attainable than a complete identity shift.
● Practice Small Choices: Start making small, intentional choices that align with your desired identity. For example, instead of saying ‘I am alcohol free’, try ‘I choose water today’.
● Focus on Your Strengths: Leverage your unique talents to support your goals. Consider how your strengths can help you navigate challenges, reinforce your new beliefs about yourself, and make choices that support the aspirational you.
● Seek Support: If you're struggling to believe in yourself, consider working with a coach who can help you see your strengths and encourage you to take the next steps.
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Lisa:
Hi, I'm Lisa.Brea:
And I'm Brea..
Lisa:
And today's topic is believe in yourself.
Brea:
Ooh.
Believe in yourself.
Believe in yourself.
Tell me more.
Lisa:
What does that mean? Oh, this has been a conversation I've been on recently with clients about how to believe in yourself, how to believe in possibilities when they don't feel attainable, how to believe that change can happen in your life when you haven't been feeling accountable or able to make a change despite Maybe taking some actions but not getting the results. So all of those things that surround belief.
Brea:
Love it. Great. This sounds like a really interesting conversation. Where should we start?
Lisa:
Well, I know we have all kinds of strengths angles we can take as well. What if we start with an example? This person has been a chronically late person. I know we're calling back to your Woo-monk who couldn't show up, right?
But this person is having trouble showing up to meetings on time. And it was never a problem because I'm just going to make this person a he. He never had trouble with it before because he worked in a work culture where it didn't matter. They always started meetings five minutes, ten minutes late. No one cared. Goes to a new job and is chronically late and it is not going over well.
Trying to identify with this thing this concept. I show up on time was Really making his mind explode. He's like I'm always late. I am an idol. I'm a hot mess I I'm not structured like that and he really resisted being that person but he also was coming to to realize he needs to believe something different about himself and show up differently and get different results or it's not going to go well in the career
Sometimes belief is “forced” and sometimes you want to believe in yourself because you want to believe you can continue to grow in a certain way but this one's feeling a little more Forced so to speak like oh, I better I better do this or else. I'm gonna have some trouble so Let's go there You're trying to believe in yourself, but you don't identify at all with this future you that you've established isn't it's important
Where do you start with people Brea?
Brea:
Hmm Well, what it's making me think of is where do those beliefs come from? I think that's maybe where I would start is why do you believe what you believe? And is what you believe true? That's usually in coaching where I start is what is the truth here, right? And sometimes we look through the talents, you know, you know, I believe that I'm a late person because I am always late, you know, like, okay, so that And that's true, that I am always late.
Or do I feel like it's always? Is it just at this job, people are commenting on it, and I hear it a lot, but is the reality that I'm always late? Or is it just I have this meeting once a week, every week, and every time people remark on it, so I'm hearing it a lot, and it feels like always. I have lots of other things in my life that I'm not late to, so is the belief true? That's, I think, where I would start.
Lisa:
And really getting down to dissecting it. I think for so many things, we consider it true, we think it's true, and then it's not. I love to get down to the facts with people. and it might be just really defining the circumstance. Like you said, that meeting.
Is it this one meeting, and that's the one that we're talking about, and you're late 50% of the time, and is this something that everyone would agree is factually accurate? You're late 50% of the time. So you could go down that path, but you could also go down the one that you said, which is like, I'm a late person. Is that true? Or do you just decide to act like a late person?
Brea:
If even if it is true that you're consistently late to let's say that particular meeting, right, or a particular thing, you're always late to it. Is it because you are a late person, you know, where, or is it because there's something right before it that just always goes over and it's out of your control?
Is there a reason that you're late? more often than not, you know, and can you do anything to change that? You know, is it who you are as a person, your identity, or is it just a circumstance, you know?
Lisa:
Yeah. And if it is a circumstance, what do you do to address the other one it's impacting if that's getting in the way of your results like yeah changing the one that is the thing that's happening before it if you identified that yeah there's this thing that runs over and that is what's going to happen okay if I have to deal with that circumstance how do I address that and continue to move on and then that part's pretty It's factual. It's simple. Most people skip over it.
I think it's really important that whole idea of getting down to the real results. What is actual fact? What what seems like truth? What is truth? And then when you get to what result do you want that you're not getting? This is for me the crux of it.
And I think people make things an identity problem like this one. I am a late person. You're making that you're taking it on like it's DNA that can't be changed. So maybe they can't go from I'm a late person to I show up on time. That feels too far. You need a bridge thought. So, okay, with this result you want to get, what are some thoughts you could have that feel like that person?
Let's just embody the belief, “I am a person who shows up on time.” What other things are true about you when you are a person who shows up on time? and they come up with a list. It might be things like, when I start meetings, I start them on time. I value people. I respect other people's times. I create buffer spaces in between my meetings because maybe the thing that keeps getting them is something as simple as, I have to go to the bathroom in between and this meeting ends and the next one begins and there are zero minutes in between.
It might just be a logistics problem. But really getting in the mindset of future you. If you're going to believe in yourself in the way that is like, I am this person, I show up on time. What actions do you take when you are a person who does show up on time? It's just a simple process, but you have to take the time to sit down and think through things.
· How do I behave when I'm a person who shows up on time?
· What do I do for myself?
· What do I do for my calendar?
· How do I interact with people?
· What does it look like to begin to shut a meeting down five minutes early, 10 minutes early, whatever it might take?
· What kind of experiments do you need to run in the meantime?
Brea:
Yeah, these are all so good. I think it is, it's really fascinating how we can, and we do often, I think, connect our identity, you know, who we are as a person to these types of things. It, that's not who you are. A late person or an on-time person is not your identity. But we have that self-talk all the time of, I am a blank or I'm not an on-time person, you know?
So again, I think that's where the language of CliftonStrengths can be so helpful because If you lead with adaptability, instead of saying, I'm a late person, you might say, when I meet people as I'm walking to the next meeting, I'm the kind of person that wants to engage with them. I honor them. I respect them. I delight in them. I am curious about them.
You know, whatever, whatever your talents bring, like. really settling into who you are instead of who you aren't and then figuring out how do I use that, how do I use the talents that I have to accomplish this outcome or this goal of showing up on time, right? That the outcome is difficult for me to do from a natural place. So how do I use who I am to help me get there, you know? Yes.
Lisa:
Yeah that's such a beautiful tie to strengths the idea of who you are that you love and appreciate versus who you aren't. Now I started with one that was a little it almost feels like a logistics problem to solve so it seems a little bit simple. Now let's get into one that's a little complicated and wrapped up in a little, a little juicier way in someone's life.
So I was working with someone recently who is trying to live alcohol free. Okay, so now you're trying to identify with a phrase, I am alcohol free. You haven't had major problems. You're not an alcoholic. It hasn't gone to a rock bottom situation, but everything in your life feels intertwined in this. Every social situation, girlfriend mimosas, dinners, every time you go out anywhere, it feels like everything is centered around drinking.
And now you're the person who doesn't drink, and all these people have expectations of you. Because they've been around you for the last 15 years with a drink in your hand
Now you want to make a switch and you're like, okay, I see future me and I'm good with it I feel good in this body My body feels honored because I've been taking care of it and you can get into all these positive things about it But then you show up to your Sunday morning brunch that you've had for the last 15 years and people are like, “What's up with you…no fun zone?” Then what? How do you continue to believe in yourself and who you've decided you're going to be, who you're going to grow into?
Brea:
Yeah, I think it all comes back to focusing on the good. What is your motivation? Why have you decided that you're not going to drink alcohol? And let that lead you. Be confident in that, you know?
Maybe for some people it might be helpful to not use the words, I am, but to say, I choose not to drink alcohol or to focus on the good or the positive and say, I choose to be alcohol free, right? I choose to only put healthy things in my body or I choose to, you know, whatever the case may be.
Maybe for some people who struggle with the future aspect of the future me, the aspirational, bring it to the present and just say, what am I doing right now, right? What am I choosing today in this moment? And remind yourself why, why you're choosing that. Maybe that could anchor you.
Lisa:
I think that's good. That made me think if you combine the meeting person with the alcohol person, it made me think about those bridge thoughts where the person who couldn't get to meetings could really get to, I respect other people's time. That felt true. That felt easy. That felt like, okay, if I'm a person who respects other people's time, this is how I'll act.
And that's an easier guidepost at this point in the journey. And for this alcohol free person, it might be when you said I choose I was imagining this person saying, I choose water today. And that's it. I choose water. And that can feel more true for them, more grabbable for them in the moment.
Sometimes you can't leap all the way from one to the other without taking these backslides. And if you grab the bridge step, you can build the confidence. You can believe in yourself for the moment because you believe you can choose water the next time you have a choice.
Brea:
I really like that bridge step. I think image is so powerful because you don't just jump from one side of the bridge to the other. It is a journey, you know, it's a series of steps. And to go from one side of the Grand Canyon to the other, I mean, that's a big leap. It's impossible for anyone. So to go from being someone who has drank, drunk alcohol?
What's the right word? I don't know. who has drunk alcohol, you know, especially in social situations, especially at this particular party that happens with these people. To go to the completely other side, yeah, that can feel so far and so unattainable.
So, to just take it one step at a time, I mean, that's how we make change in life is one choice at a time. And it reminds me of the CliftonStrengths the talent of belief. I think for people that lead with that talent, this comes so naturally because they have that, just that inner knowing, that inner belief, that inner grounding is ingrained in them so much that every decision just naturally flows from that.
Whereas other people, we have to maybe do some work to identify what those core principles are so that the decisions that we make, you know, aligned with that. We have to be more intentional about that.
Lisa:
Yeah, totally. I think I see this with people who lead through responsibility. I have an example where my dad believes that Hawaiian rolls are poison because they're full of sugar and he will not buy them for my sister and her family because why would I buy them poison? That is responsibility.
Brea:
Oh my gosh, that's so awesome. My dad loves Hawaiian rolls. Oh my gosh, love that.
Lisa:
I mean, it's like dessert. So, you also, do you have, I think you leaked your self-assurance. How does that one show up with believing in yourself?
Brea:
I always believe in myself. You know, I have the other problem of, yeah, believing too much sometimes. And I also have an internal belief that other people believe in me and that other people should believe in me. And that is something that as I've grown older and lived a little bit more life that I've realized not everyone believes in me the way that I believe in myself.
I believe in myself so strongly and I believe in others really strongly. I mean, hi, I'm the hype girl, you know, the strength type. Like I love believing in people and cheering them on and holding their hand or giving them the tools and resources they need to like take the next step. Like that's, that really is not just what I do, that's who I am.
To realize that other people don't believe in me as much as I believe in myself, they may not believe in themselves as much as I believe in them. And that's been something that I've learned, you know, through the years. So that has been a challenge from a different, a different perspective, you know,
Lisa:
And this makes so much sense. This is insider info for all the listeners. But when I first brought up this idea,
Brea:
Oh, no. What did I just divulge?
Lisa:
I mentioned the concept of believe in yourself? And you're like…mmmmm….you weren't feeling it. And this makes absolute sense.
Because you're like, well, self assurance.
I just believe in myself.
I'm hype girl.
I believe in everyone else.
What seems to be the problem?
What is there to talk about?
Brea:
Yeah, it's funny when you threw that out on Voxer. I was like, I just don't know that I have anything to add to that conversation. You know, like, I don't, I don't even know what I would say. And I guess I should never worry about that. I always have words to say.
Lisa:
Thankfully, communication is in your lineup as well. So it's not a problem.
Brea:
Yeah, it is interesting, though, how our talents, you know, really affect everything about us, how we approach everything comes back to what are the patterns that are naturally occurring in you? When we look at the definition of talent, Gallup defines that as patterns of thought, feeling, and behavior.
So how you think, which is where these beliefs come from, is how I think about things, how I believe, what I believe, how tightly or strongly I hold those beliefs, everything around this topic. We could talk for hours about it because it's so deep and rich. It all comes back to your talent.
Lisa:
And probably depending on the thing you're trying to believe for yourself or about yourself or the future, it might create different issues with different talents. Like when you say, I choose water next time. What pops up for you as a, but what if this, Oh, and this person's going to say that, Oh, and then this is going to happen.
What are those obstacles that come up? Because they'll give you insight into the things that are going to foil your plan. But also they, they show you your patterns because if we have 65,000 thoughts a day, we don't know what all of them are. There's a lot of unconscious stuff going on.
If our strengths represent our thoughts, feelings, actions, these things that are just in us, this thought process about the obstacle, like, ooh, what pops up then? Ooh, where is the resistance? What is that resistance about? We can start to become a little more consciously aware of the thoughts that are in there that are going to get in the way of getting this new result.
Brea:
Oh my gosh. Yes, this is so, so true. And the alcohol example is really a good one, Lisa, because it's relatable, I think, to a lot of people. Here's how I might respond. If you've listened to the podcast or you know me at all, you know that I love wine. Okay. So if I were to go to a party and just say, I'm not going to drink alcohol, I'm choosing water, we would wonder, what are people going to think?
And in my head I'm like, well, they could think I'm pregnant. They could think I'm, you know, they could think a million things. So if you want to make sure that they still like you and that you're still fun, maybe you drink a non-alcoholic Cocktail that looks like it could have alcohol in it and you just don't even talk about it, right?
If it's the perception that you're worried about, then make a choice that upholds that perception that you want people to you know, have a view or whatever and and move on and it doesn't have to be a big deal You know, if it's a different talent, how can you give it what it needs or what it wants, you know, while still honoring this new choice?
Lisa:
I love that. I don't know what made command come to my head, but I was imagining all the strategies you just came up with for Wu. and then contrasting it with command. Now they might say, if someone asked me, who cares? And when they ask, I say, my relationship with wine is over. That's the whole story. And they lead through command and that's all they need to say. And they don't care what the other person thinks about it.
They took a totally different tact. But it was honoring their strength, their pattern, what they needed to feel really solid in their decision and living into their future self, really doing that thing. Believe in yourself. Believe in your choice because you aligned it to your strengths and it felt good. It felt natural. It felt grounded.
Brea:
Yeah. And maybe you don't have an influencing talent at the top. Maybe you're leading with input or learner and you just read something about alcohol where you're like, this is the tipping point for me. I'm not going to do it anymore. Then lead with that. It doesn't have to be this big, like, I believe in myself or I don't believe in myself. It could just be, I just learned this thing about alcohol and I just decided I wanted to take a break, you know? Like, there you go.
Lisa:
You lead through Analytical and you're like, look, I've been watching my Oura ring and the stats and when I drink, It tanks my sleep for the next three days and I've been watching the data and I decided I'm not going to do that to myself any longer and you led through data. It could be any strength could give you information about the way to step into a belief.
Brea:
Yeah and the whole non-alcoholic cocktail option that looks like it could have alcohol in it, that might be your solution because of Other non influencing themes where you're like, I just want to hide in the background. I don't want anybody to like ask me about it So I'm just gonna drink something that doesn't bring attention. So I think that's the interesting thing about talents is Several different people can make the same choice can do the same thing for different reasons
Lisa:
I can see the person with you leading through it all the way where they're like, and I could become the non-alcoholic bartender at this party and I could be like, I'm into nootropics, y'all. I brought all these ingredients. Check out this new thing I've got going on. Who wants one? And then you make it the exciting thing to try because that's what sounded fun to Wu that day. That's right. That's right.
Brea:
Yeah. Yeah. The other thing that's coming up for me about this is the idea of change, especially in these epic proportions of changing how we perceive ourselves at an identity level, right? that chasm of the Grand Canyon inside of us of, how am I ever going to get to the other side? That feels very stressful.
When we encounter stressful, challenging situations like this that require not just one big, oh, I'm going to muster up my courage and jump, And then, ta-da, I'm like this whole new person. But it's a series of tough choices, right, that will get easier over time. But we have to continue to do the hard thing time and time again. when we're in stressful, challenging situations, our talents are going to kind of default to the raw state, to the maybe not as healthy, not as helpful state.
Keep that in mind as well. And I'm being a little bit vulnerable whenever I talk about my woo in this way because I'm actually not always worried about what people think about me. And in a moment where it's difficult, it's hard, it's new, or you have to make a decision quickly, or there's some kind of stress about it, our talents will often likely default into that place of before they became a strength, before we learned how to really be strong in that way.
If that happens to you, give yourself a little bit of grace. It's okay, you'll get through it. And be intentional going through this thought process of, you know, how can I lean into my talent to help me get the outcome that I desire? I think you just made it. Make that bridge stop.
Lisa:
Yeah, you made it so relatable for listeners because You're talking about how to believe in yourself simultaneously while having self-assurance as a talent theme at the top that makes it easy for you to believe in yourself and woo that makes you care about what other people think enough that it might give some sway in there and it depends.
That is a beautiful way to describe the dynamics that happen in our lives and our brains as humans we make things complex and we have a lot of layers to us and it all depends it all depends okay now back to hype girl if someone wants to work with you Brea the hype girl because they need someone else to believe in them. They need to borrow your belief while they think through their own. Tell them about working with you.
Brea:
Oh my gosh. Just the thought of being able to meet you, listener, when the negative self-talk gets in there or when your own beliefs in yourself are challenged, like that is not the truth. So if you want someone to speak truth and goodness and beauty over you and help you see what's awesome about you, that would be my privilege, my joy, my honor, truly. So come to the website, BreaRoper.com, and schedule a call. I will shower you with belief and give you all of my influencing talents so that you can take the very next step, no matter how hard it is.
Lisa:
I know it. You do it naturally. Even in our friend conversations, you shower with this belief and this positivity and it's such a cool part of you.
Brea:
Thanks, Lisa. You too. People should work with you. How can they do that?
Lisa:
If you want some coaching from me on how to believe in yourself, come over to leadthroughstrengths.com and go to the Get Coached link and That's all you have to do.
Click on it, take action, and we will do it. We'll find the belief, we'll find the bridge thoughts, and we'll get you there. Love it. Okay, Brea, take us home. Between self-assurance and communication, I know you have a closing thought that will tidy all of this up.
Brea:
To me, it all comes back to the theme that we continue to talk about episode from episode is when you know better, you feel better. And when you feel better, you do better. So if your goal is to become a better version of yourself, the more you choose to believe in yourself, the stronger you'll feel in that new you, and it'll be easier to live out that reality. So you can do it. Start with your talents. Lead from strength.
Lisa:
Lead through your strengths.
Brea:
I love it.
Lisa:
Thank you, Brea.
Brea:
Thank you, listeners. Thanks, Lisa.
“Remember, hard work doesn’t have to feel hard. Aligned with your strengths, it actually feels easy, energizing, and fun!”
MEET YOUR CO-HOSTS
BREA ROPER
Communication | Woo | Activator | Futuristic | Connectedness
If you need a Strengths Hype Girl, for yourself or your team, connect with Brea at brearoper.com. She’s ready to deliver an inspirational keynote, empowering training, or transformational workshop. If you’re looking for an expert guide to support your internal Strengths efforts, reach out today!
LISA CUMMINGS
Strategic | Maximizer | Positivity | Individualization | Woo
To work with Lisa, check out team workshops and retreats at the Lead Through Strengths site. For 1:1 strengths or life coaching, check out the Get Coached link. For independent coaches, trainers, and speakers, get business tools support with our Tools for Coaches membership.
The Fine Print: This podcast is not sanctioned or endorsed by Gallup in any way. Opinions, views and interpretations of CliftonStrengths© are solely the beliefs of Lisa Cummings and Brea Roper.