Throughout our lives, many of us have been told we could become anything we want. Unfortunately, without understanding our natural talents and motivations, this belief can set us up to pursue goals that may not align with our true selves and capabilities.
That’s why we look to our talents: to understand our true desires, and align our aspirations with our strengths.
By embracing the strength-based mindset of becoming more of who you already are, you can achieve meaningful growth that aligns with your most authentic self. This approach fosters a healthier relationship with your aspirations, reduces pressure, and ultimately leads to greater happiness and success. 🌟
🎧 Be sure to listen to the full episode for more insights and to reflect on your own journey of becoming. Remember, it's not about becoming someone else; it's about embracing and enhancing the incredible person you already are!
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The Power of "Why": Understanding the true motivation behind your aspirations is crucial. Are you going after things because you’ve been told you should, or because they’re actually best for you?
Neuroplasticity and Change: While our brains are capable of change, it’s likely not in your best interest to invest time and resources into trying to become someone you're not. Instead, focus on becoming more of the incredible person you already are. Grow the good!
Coaching for Self-Discovery: Coaching is invaluable when trying to navigate your self-discovery and growth. Finding someone to guide you through this process can lead to greater clarity and fulfillment.
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● Reflect on Your Aspirations: Take time to explore why you want to achieve certain goals or become a certain type of person. Ask yourself where those desires come from, and whether or not they align with your true self.
● Focus on Strengths: Instead of trying to become something you are not, identify your existing strengths and how you can leverage them to achieve your goals. Consider how you can use your natural abilities to reach desired outcomes.
● Seek Support: Find a coach, mentor, or trusted friend who can help you navigate your aspirations. They can ask you the tough questions that lead to deeper self-discovery and help you stay accountable to your true goals.
● Embrace Self-Love and Growth: Acknowledge and appreciate who you are while also striving for personal growth. Commit to loving yourself enough to seek improvement and development in areas that matter to you.
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Lisa:
Hi, I'm Lisa.
Brea:
And I'm Brea.
Lisa:
And today's topic is around the question, can you become anything you want?
Brea:
I say no.
Lisa:
Hmm. That is decisive. Decisive. Tell us.
Brea:
I mean, sometimes I want to be Michael Jordan. No, I'll never be him. Sometimes I want to be a penguin because penguins are awesome. No, never going to be a penguin. Doesn't matter how much I want it, how much I believe it, how much I try hard, believe hard. Doesn't matter. I'm never going to be that.
Lisa:
Okay, now I have some of these too, like, hey, I wanted to be a pro beach volleyball player, but I'm 5'5 and I don't jump that high and me trying to become that may help me grow, but I'm still not going to become that. But what about something that you want to be more of? Let me give you two examples I hear often. I want to be better at time management or I want to be a person who works out every day. Now, can you be that if you want to?
Brea:
Yeah, I think the word be might be where my hesitation is. Can I show up on time? Absolutely, right? Can I change my behavior? Can I work toward a different outcome, right? If I don't naturally or often show up on time, but I want to do that, can I do that? Sure. Can I be a person who naturally always with grace and ease and excellence show up on time? No, I just don't think that you can change who you are in that way.
Lisa:
What do you think? I like that you were able to find that it was the word be, like the being.
Brea:
Yes, I think it's Tom Rath that said this in Strings of Pride 2.0. You can't be anything you want to be, you can only become more of who you are. I believe that to the core of my being, you know?
Lisa:
This idea of becoming more of who you already are is what we hope our coaching is stepping someone through, that discovery of figuring that out.
Brea:
And that's where I think becoming anything you want or becoming anyone you want to be, it reminds me of, you know, people talk about like rewiring your brain. And I think for me, one question is, can you? which I think is what you're asking now and what we're kind of talking about. But to me, that doesn't even feel like the deepest question, I think. Should you? Sure, there's plasticity in our brains. Sure, we can change a habit, even a deep habit. I can choose to change what I think about something. Yes. I think that's so amazing. As humans, we can choose in a way that animals can't, non-living things can't choose in the way that we can. I think that's so cool that we can do that. And should I? Should I invest so much time and so much effort and so much resources into completely trying to change how I approach something? Is that the best use of my time and my money and my effort?
Lisa:
I love where you're taking this because I know the neuroscientists seem to disagree on these areas of plasticity anyway. So be like, yeah, neuroplasticity exists. How much is nature? How much is nurture? We can't really know. How much is it plastic? Yeah. How far can you take it? So if they don't have a clear, easy answer, why worry about the debate of can you? We know to some extent you can. But to what extent, if they all disagree with each other, wouldn't it be productive as a human to explore the other question you raised? Should you? And when I hear that question, I think about how then do you get closer to discovering who you really are and how do you get further away from the pressures of who you think you should be and how to even know that you think you should be someone because you might just unconsciously be internalizing these pressures and you don't even know it. So how do you handle that as far as coaching goes to help someone unravel these who you think you should be factors?
Brea:
Yeah. For me, it all comes back to what is the truth? Like, if you came and said, Brea, I want to be a pro beach volleyball player, you know, okay, what does that entail? Can you actually meet the requirements? Do you meet those requirements right now? You know, is there an actual height requirement to be a pro beach volleyball player? Or do you just think that you have to be taller than 5'5"? What's the actual truth? Or, I want to be a person who makes my bed. Well, why do you think that? Well, because all the gurus tell me that if I'm going to be a successful CEO, I have to make my bed every day. okay, let's explore that because it worked for them doesn't necessarily mean it will work for you or that you have to follow in that path. So that's where I would start is what is the truth, the truth of what you want and why you want it and also the truth of what is and then where do we go from there?
Lisa:
Yeah. What do you think about somebody who's in a corporate environment and they're like, Hey, I want to be a leader because that's the career path they know and they want to be a senior leader. They want to get promoted. What if you're this person who is saying my goal is to be a senior leader? But how do they even know if they want to be that because that's just the career path they know of and seems available and seems to be where the paycheck is compared with the idea of, hey, is this just because this is a pressure of who I think I should be because it's the only thing I know? So then how do you navigate that situation through this lens?
Brea:
I, yeah, again, I think that is what I mean by we start with the truth. You know, if they say, I want to be a senior leader. Okay, why? You know, what is it about that, that you want, right? Is it the title? Is it the paycheck? Is it the responsibilities, the quarter office? Is it the opportunity for impact? What is it? What about that? do you want? And why do you want it? And will it actually give you what you want? Because sometimes when we look at an opportunity, we think that there's potential there, or we think that it might be something other than what it actually turns out to be. Sometimes when people are in, let's say, a sales role, crushing it. They are constantly at the top of the leaderboard and they just are such a great salesperson. And so they're tapped for management. And they hate management. They get there, it's this promotion. But being an amazing salesperson and being an amazing manager of people are just completely different, right? One person is out on the road all the time, one person is at the desk all the time, you know? It's just different skills, different all the things.
Lisa:
You're making me think of that saying about when you're climbing up the ladder and then you realize it was leaning on the wrong wall and you're raising such good questions that they seem confronting. I think, I know I've been confronted with some of those questions. I know, I remember a senior VP asking me, why, why are you interested in this role? Really pushing me on the why and the why and the why behind the why. And I was like,
Brea:
It's not intended in an aggressive way. It's intended in an exploratory way, a discovery way.
Lisa:
Yeah. And this guy specifically, I remember thinking, I wonder if he just wants me to admit there's ego in it. That, yeah, I do like the title. Yeah, I do like the money. There were other elements I was describing in my why. internal motivators that made me feel alive. If you don't have someone in your life who will ask you those questions, whether a coach like Brea or like this senior VP, if no one asks you those questions and you don't confront those early, you might find you get promoted four steps along the way and then you realize, whoa, I created a life for myself that I am not into at all. How did I get here? What did I do?
Brea:
Yes, it's important to understand why you want that to see if taking the next step is what you should do. Also, there are times in our life when we're like, I just really want to be a pro beach volleyball player, or I really want to be Michael Jordan. I don't. really want to be Michael Jordan, okay? Like, what is it about that? Why am I attracted to the idea of being like Michael Jordan? Asking those questions and figuring out why does this aspirational identity, why is it attractive to me? Why do I want that? Can help us identify the deeper down things that we can actually attain or achieve or become, right? Because they are in alignment with who we are. Becoming a pro basketball player is not in alignment with who I actually am as a person, okay? I can never become a pro basketball player, nor do I really want to be. But there are aspects of Michael Jordan, who he is as a person, his intellect, his hard work ethic, his entrepreneurial journey, the impact that he's made. I mean, I could go on and on about him as a person. There are so many things that are in alignment with talent that is inside of me and things that I can aspire to imitating or striving for. And so I think that's That's where I'm at is we ask those questions of why. Why do you want that thing? Because it might not actually be that thing you want. It might be certain elements of that that are attractive to you that you can find in a different thing that will be better suited for you and that will actually allow you to grow beyond.
Lisa:
Yeah, absolutely. You're making me come full circle on our conversation and it brings it all together. What you were just talking about, it's the perfect tee up for strengths because inevitably somebody in a workshop or in a group or a team will say, I don't like this one or I wanted to see this other one because they like the word or it reflects a goal they've been working on. Usually that's another definitions issue. But if you're trying to accomplish something and you back into it from the outcomes level or the results level, this is where the useful conversation is anyway. So if somebody says, Oh, I really wanted Achiever. Oh, I really wanted Includer. If the next conversation is, tell me about what result you would want with that or tell me about the outcomes. What are you trying to achieve where that would come into play for you? And then they give you some examples and they're like, oh, well, I've been having trouble getting it done and hitting my deadlines on this global team with all these complexities and matrix reporting structures. And they give you this whole example. And then you just ask the question, and what if you use the ones you have, which ones could you lean on? And you get them down a conversation there, and they realize, I can achieve, I can get things done, I can hit my deadlines, and lean on the ones I already have, because those are the ones that are easy for me to lean on. And if you spent your whole life trying to grab your achiever that's down at number 20, you're spinning your wheels and kind of draining yourself. And you could get there, you could raise it up, but it wouldn't be a high leverage way to spend your time. And I feel really confident that we agree on that point. So it's more like backing into it from the result or the outcome. Am I right? Am I right? Do we agree?
Brea:
Well, of course we agree. Yes, this is a very strength-focused partnership here. And that's where I think my sticking point is, again, it's the difference between being and becoming or doing, right? Is this who I am, my identity as a person, or is this just what I do or how I do it? I don't identify as an entrepreneur or a business owner. That's not who I am. That's not my identity. That's how I make a living, you know? That is how I spend a lot of my time, but that is not who I am as a person. This is where this conversation really pokes the bear inside of me is because I grew up like a lot of people, I think, believing that their identity is what they do, what they can do, how they perform. That's where I get really passionate about this. That's where the mama bear comes out. And I'm like, no, being something or becoming something or believing you can become something that you're not is not true. I think believing that sets us up to fail. I'd love to hear from listeners.
Lisa:
Yeah, we would love to hear and come tell us in a review, come communicate, let us know. And BreaBear, if they are like, hey, this is blowing up my idea of parenting or this is blowing up my idea of my career goals. And they now feel compelled. They've got to work with you. How do they do it? Tell us about how to bring out the Bria bear. Yes.
Brea:
Brearoper.com. B-R-E-A-R-O-P-E-R.com. Just come on over, schedule a call, and let's talk about your outcomes that you want to achieve and how you can do that using the tools that you already have. Beautiful.
Lisa:
I highly recommend. Brea is an amazing coach. And if you want to work with me, Lisa, let's move. I think on mine, I'll talk about the entrepreneur one. If you're like, I am in corporate, I have a side hustle career with training and coaching, etc. And I just need to get my head around what it's like to do and or explore the being. Who do you want to be? How do you want to show up? How does all this work? I would love to support you in that. We have a membership for coaches where we support you with the skills and a lot of the doing things so you can spend your energy being who you already are naturally at your best. And I can cover you on the operations, the visuals, the decks, the tools and all the things you have to build in those first years when you're getting started. On the website, LeadThroughStrengths.com, check out the link, Tools for Coaches.
Brea:
Love that. And so many people are already finding so much success using those tools. Yeah, it's really fun.
Lisa:
Yeah. Yes. OK, well, with that, I guess we should leave people to to go off and find their moment. And so if you believe you can fly, we're here to tell you today. No, you can't. Sorry.
Brea:
Not a bird.
Lisa:
Not a bird. Go back to being what you are best.
Brea:
Oh, my gosh. Unless you think you are the Wright brothers, you know, and you want to go build a plane, then do that.
Lisa:
There you go.
Brea:
Love yourself as you are. You are amazing and good and beautiful and strong and smart just as you are. But love yourself too much to leave yourself there, right? Find yourself a coach. Find yourself a friend. Find yourself someone else to push you to become more of the amazing person that you already are.
Lisa:
The way you said that was so beautiful. Love yourself too much to leave yourself there. I love that.
Brea:
I promise to all my clients, I'm going to receive you just as you are. And I'm going to love you there. I'm going to believe in you there. But I'm going to love you too much to leave you there. So you can do that for yourself. You can find someone else who does that for you. I know people are listening.
Lisa:
You're worth it. Yeah, they're like making the heart sign with their hands while they're listening. We'll see y'all next time around.
Brea:
Bye!
“Remember, hard work doesn’t have to feel hard. Aligned with your strengths, it actually feels easy, energizing, and fun!”
MEET YOUR CO-HOSTS
BREA ROPER
Communication | Woo | Activator | Futuristic | Connectedness
If you need a Strengths Hype Girl, for yourself or your team, connect with Brea at brearoper.com. She’s ready to deliver an inspirational keynote, empowering training, or transformational workshop. If you’re looking for an expert guide to support your internal Strengths efforts, reach out today!
LISA CUMMINGS
Strategic | Maximizer | Positivity | Individualization | Woo
To work with Lisa, check out team workshops and retreats at the Lead Through Strengths site. For 1:1 strengths or life coaching, check out the Get Coached link. For independent coaches, trainers, and speakers, get business tools support with our Tools for Coaches membership.
The Fine Print: This podcast is not sanctioned or endorsed by Gallup in any way. Opinions, views and interpretations of CliftonStrengths© are solely the beliefs of Lisa Cummings and Brea Roper.